An eighth grade teacher’s concern for his middle schoolers’ reliance on technology resonated with school counselors and parents.
“The smartphones we hand our kids have disrupted the healthy balance of social-versus family-life,” Baldwinsville teacher Ryan Burdick wrote in a commentary (”My middle schoolers are in trouble. They need more from adults in their lives,” Jan. 26, 2024). “And in doing so, we have effectively removed the adult from the room — every room.”
Burdick’s concern stems from young people’s constant use of technology. It’s keeping them from interacting with adults.
“Our children need to hear us resolve conflict, make calculated decisions, overcome self-doubt, talk about work, express love and support to our spouses and friends, and speak to strangers, the elderly and business staff,” Burdick wrote. “This is how today’s parents became who they are — they were ‘present’ with the adults around them.”
Thomas Royal, a counselor at Clary Middle School in the Syracuse City School District, agrees that middle schoolers have lost their human interaction skills because of their electronics. “I don’t see kids carrying on conversations, whether they’re engaging with their peers or with adults.”
As a middle school counselor, Royal’s job involves preparing his students for high school, and being able to have conversations with adults and their peers is essential.
“Once you get to high school, you have presentations, you have meetings with your academic adviser, there are group projects,” Royal said. “There’s so many instances where you have to interact with adults. ‘Yes, no’ answers don’t work in these cases.”
In response to Burdick’s commentary, letter writers offered solutions such as engaging in tech-free activities to engage kids and creating spaces where they can hang out, screen free.
Others pointed the finger at adults. “When I’m at a restaurant or a public event, more times than not the parents are on their phones ignoring their kids,” one parent wrote. “There are no expectations for how to behave in public.”
Joy King, a facilitator for the parent support group at Family Tapestry, a Syracuse-based nonprofit organization geared toward supporting families through education and advocacy, said that the children who have been affected by the influx of digital connectivity need adult mentors, but they should be selective.
“I really think that children should have adult role models,” King said. “But we have to vet who we allow our children to communicate with.”
There are several ways adults can steer kids away from their devices. Washington Post technology experts Geoffrey Fowler and Tatum Hunger, in a recent article, offered some strategies.
They suggest parents talk to children about their online lives and try to understand why they like to spend a lot of time on their phones. Then, parents can begin to set small boundaries to gently decrease their children’s screen time. For example, they can limit devices in the car and opt for having conversations instead.
Syracuse.com parenting columnist Emily Kulkus recently spoke to Ed Moses, a prominent local attorney and father of five sons, who had similar tips for connecting with his kids.
Today, Moses’ kids range from ages 43 to 53, so he did not have to battle his children over devices. However, his advice for parents needing to find time to have conversations with their children is based on “cornering” – rare moments when a parent has their chlild’s attention despite life’s distractions. Moses listed his “cornering” moments as family dinners, in the car back and forth to sporting events, and skiing as a family.
Trying to pry your child away from their digital devices is not an easy task. However, quality time and understanding are steps in the right direction, according to experts like Fowler and Hunger. “Striking the right balance is challenging for you both, and you can navigate this new world as a team,” they wrote.
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